telling your child santa not real

This post contains affiliate links. Our disclosure policy.

advertisement - content continues below

Dear WHOot,

I was having coffee with a group of Moms the other day when we were discussing Christmas and some of the traditions we have in our homes.

I mentioned how we put Santa Footprints on the floor and how the kids leave milk and cookies out for Santa and his Reindeers.

I was shocked when one of the Moms said that I was doing immense psychological damage to my children because I was deliberately lying to them.

She said I was setting them up for disappointment and when they found out the truth, they would be devastated and upset that I was dishonest. She said that I would end up with resentful kids.

Christmas Rules Poster via Etsy

She also said they would never believe anything I told them in the future. This has really upset me and now I don’t know what to do. I hadn’t considered it lying to the kids. I thought it was just some harmless fun!

I have two children, my son is 9 and my daughter is 7. It’s so close to Christmas and I feel terrible about breaking the news to them and am not even sure how to go about it. I am keen to hear if other parents agree with my friend’s comments and if so what I do.

I don’t know what to say to my children and any advice would be very welcome. Is there a time that I should break the news or do I wait until they ask me outright if Santa is real or not?

This has really worried me and I feel terrible. I love my kids with all my heart and would never do anything to intentionally hurt them. Please help. I’d love to hear other Parents stories so I know what to do. Thanks for your time, Cathy.

advertisement - content continues below

What others are reading

via First Smile App Tumblr

The above letter was found on First Smile App Tumblr and is a great outline that you can follow to create your own letter to your kids. We love it and thought that it would be helpful for many.

Now, continue scrolling to see what our community has to say about the question.

Content continues below

139 COMMENTS

  1. Keep up the tradition. There is NO harm being done to these children.I raised 6 children and none of them are damaged, I have a doctor, nurse,store owner, 2 retired from the military and 1 that stays home. No problem. So go ahead and enjoy the season. Love your time… life is too short. Merry Christmas.

  2. Seriously??? If that was the case then a great number of the world’s population would be damaged wouldn’t they?? Children find out eventually either by their own intelligence or the other kids at school etc. If they ask you ” is Santa real” you can always just say ” well, I believe he is.” No lies there. Xmas is about magic. Anything you can do to make it magical these days is a good thing. Too many horrible things are happening around us at present. Let’s keep children children for as long as we can. They grow up way too fast these days . As for your friend telling you that your kids will be damaged……get a new friend!! Merry Christmas. We all believe in this household!!

  3. How did you feel about Santa as a child? When you realized it was fantasy, did you hate your parents for being dishonest? I’m guessing your children at 7 and 9 already have a good idea of what is going on and that Santa is a fun part of Christmas. As a child I loved Santa! As a parent I loved sharing the fun with my children and as a grandparent, I enjoy every second of the fun of Sana. Don’t let others dictate how you handle your family traditions. Instead look at how you felt instead. Your children will be fine and all the hype about long lasting psychological damage is just plain nonsense. I hope you have a fun and happy Christmas and you and your children enjoy the magic of all the fantasy fun there could be.

  4. I think your friend is making a mountain from a mole hill. Did your parents allow you to believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy? Did the truth that these things aren’t real destroy your psyche ? Finding out that make believe isn’t reality is a part of growing up. Lying to an adopted child about their adoption can be very damaging but Santa Claus… truly sad how PC crazy society has become

  5. It never bothered me as a kid. My younger sister, a year and a half younger, asked me if I knew there
    was no Santa Claus. I told her that I knew and she asked my why I didn’t tell her.
    I didn’t want to spoil it for her.
    I enjoyed believing and I have no regrets about being told there was a Santa Claus.
    My mother dresses as Santa one year and didn’t say a word. My younger brother would have
    known who it was. She then left the house and came in the back door.
    He ran out and said he saw the tracks in the show where his sleigh had been.
    Never heard of anyone being harmed because they believed in Santa.

  6. That is ridiculous. I raised my kids to believe in Santa and we have an excellent relationship now they are grown.My parents raied me without santa,the easter bunny,etc. on the premise that it was lying(due to religious beliefs) and trust me I felt cheated as a teen and young adult.You raise your children as you see fit!

  7. I have 6 grown kids. None of them were scarred in any way by “Santa” and always joined in the fun to keep the secret from the younger kids. I have two grandsons who live with me, aged 18 and 8. When the older boy was around 9 he asked me if there REALLY was a Santa, because some kids at school told him it wasn’t true. I told him the truth at that time. He was shocked that I and his mother would lie to him. I told him it wasn’t a lie, it’s like a fairy tale. We are all “Santa” and now he was a part of Santa too.. He liked that idea. I told him he should never tell anyone who still believed and we always put “from Santa” on every Christmas gift. He had no problem with that, and I’m not expecting any from his younger brother whose revelation is coming soon.

  8. So, your children find out that something they can “see” isn’t real. A myth, a made up fairy tale. Okay, now try and convince your children that God is real when they can’t actually “see” God. Jesus is the real reason for the season and you don’t have to tell a lie when it pertains to Him!

  9. That Mom needs a seriously large box of wine and a chill pill to go with it! My Mother continued to “fool” us into our teens. They are my most cherished memories. My parents became pros at challenging us to prove Santa wasn’t real. It was so much fun. Now as a parent myself I realize how much time and effort my parents put into the holiday shenanigans all while working full time and raising four energetic kids. Sorry to be harsh, but, only an idiot could be resentful of that! Your kids will be great and will cherish the memories and probably pass on the tradition. For the unbelieving Mom, you can do the same thing my parents did, ask her to prove Santa’s not real! Then, read her the “Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Clause” article. “The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.” God help us when we stop dreaming and believing! Keep up the good work!

  10. Stay firm with the tradition of Santa. In this world kids need some fantasy. One of my kids learned the truth at 10 and he is one of the sanest people I know. As a kid I kept the pretense going so I could get the surprise presents under the tree.
    We all need to dream and believe that good abounds.

  11. Let the magic of Christmas last as long as possible with your children. As previously said there would be a lot of damaged children roaming the world. If your friend wants to tell the truth to her children, that is her prerogative but you do what you think is right for your children. My sister and I when we were still at home used to go and get our santa sacks and jump on our parents bed to open them. We were about 18 or 19 years of age. We would all laugh about that we stilled believed but it made the love with our parents strong.

  12. I agree with the lady above. Let them believe for as long as you can. Childhood is way too short nowadays. I’m a grandmother and I still believe. When they get older tell them it is the love we believe in at Christmas and hopefully longer …. you’re a good mother!

    .

  13. I’ve told my children and grandchildren that Santa lives in your heart and if you stop believing you don’t get presents under the tree from “Santa.” In our house, Santa always leaves the best present. To this day, we all believe, and no one is suffering any serious mental health issues. Merry Christmas

  14. That’s a family tradition. Did it upset you when you found out? Do your own thing. Their your children, not hers. (((Hugs)))

  15. How do you feel about your own parents telling you this “lie”? How does your husband feel? If neither of you were scarred, why would you think your children would be?

    When the reality of Santa claus came up in my Girl Scout troop (girls between the ages of 8 and 11) I reminded the girls that we respect all beliefs, and nobody in the troop had the right to tell anyone else what to believe, whether it is Jesus, fairies, ghosts or Santa Claus.

    When confronted by my son asking “Why would you tell me this elaborate story?” This was my response:

    People tell their kids about Santa Claus because they want it to be true even more than the kids do. They want there to be someone who will give everyone a perfect, happy day full of love and treats. Is it an absolute fact that one man travels to every house in the world, breaks in, and leaves toys, all in one night? You are too smart to believe that, but look around – on Christmas eve, there are so many people who wish for the joy that Santa brings that they will for one night become Santa, become an idea so much greater than an ordinary mother or father can be, and do what they can to create that happy, blessed world. The real magic of Santa is not in the toys, it’s in the ability to become him and spread his joy to others.

    Now you are getting older, you can start seeing the other side of Christmas – the joy of giving, of spreading love to your family and those in need, in becoming Santa, and I hope you come to feel the way about it that I do – The best present isn’t the under the tree, but the chance to put it there.

  16. Cathy,
    Don’t listen to the other mums, This is political correctness
    gone mad,
    children for centuries have grown up with the Tooth Fairy,
    The Easter Bunny , Father Christmas, and numerous other beliefs,
    we have a Christmas pagent in South Australia, that celibrates the arrival
    Of Father Christmas,
    It’s not lying it’s making magical memories for your children and one day
    They will continue this tradition with their children,
    Don’t worry about telling your children the truth, They will find out soon
    enough from other children,
    Enjoy them being innocent while you can,
    I hope this helps you
    Wishing you a magical Merry Christmas

    • Hey….think about this.
      You’re children are obviously having a chance to enjoy the magic of just being a child! The people who don’t allow their kids this time may be cheating their children and may cause them to be calloused and bitter during the holidays. When your kids find out, the may be disappointed but at least they will have wonderful memories. Their children will find out the truth and NOT get to experience the magic of Christmas!

  17. I ran into the same thing with our DIL several years ago. It crushed me to the very end. And it still hurts when I think about it. Before they had children, our DIL said she just LOVED Christmas at our house because I made it so extra special. When our twin grandsons were 3 yrs. I made each of them a Christmas sweatshirt with machine embroidery designs, and also what I thought was the most absolute perfect item…. a Santa Key with a poem about how to get into the house to deliver gifts. After all gifts were opened and we all had eaten that evening, we were sitting around talking and she blurted out how mad she was about the gifts I had sent to the boys, including the Santa Key. She and our son had told the boys there was no Santa and it was their parents that bought their gifts. Well if you can’t have Santa, then what about Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, etc. It broke my heart. My husband has a large Santa collection that we always put out on display. What was I supposed to do with it all?

    I’m sorry I’ve just rambled on about my situation, but I can imagine how you feel. I don’t think it is going to harm children to live with the Santa fairy tail. Can you think of or have you ever heard of anyone that was seriously harmed by believing that Santa was real? I’m in my 60’s now and I believe in Santa. I even heard the reindeer hoofs on our roof one time. When I was in first grade a mean classmate told me there was no Santa and I went home in tears, but I wasn’t harmed in any major way.

    Each year since it has been hard for me to decide just what to put our for Christmas, but life goes on and I should be big enough to let it slide off and go on with the party. Life is so short and you make it what you want it to be. It doesn’t hurt to let the little ones believe for awhile. They’ll find out soon enough.

  18. She’s nuts. I’m too old to pull punches. So I guess in her house there is no Santa, no tooth fairy, no Easter Bunny…what a sad place to live. My grandson is 12 and OF COURSE he knows there is no real Santa. But he pretends to believe because it’s FUN! My kids believed in Santa, etc, and they know the difference between pretend and a lie. Your kids will too. Go for it…have fun.

  19. Part of the magic of Christmas is believing in Santa. Let them be kids and keep the the magic alive for as long as possible. You will know when the time is right. We felt when going to high school. We found a beautiful letter on line years ago explaining the magic and that santa is not just one person but all those who keep the magic going and how they were now trusted with keeping the magic alive. Good luck

  20. My parents never created this stick for their backs. When we were of reasoning age we knew it was silly that anyone could come down our chimney. Though we had one in my day. Leave presents then deliver to everyone else in like manner. So my parents didnt even go there…my brother and I had just as much fun knowing daddy was Father Christmas and lying awake trying to catch them out when they came in.
    P.s. We never did somehow we always fell asleep first! The foollish and terrible lie that some strange man is creeping into your bedroom in the middle of the night would have worried us both sick anyway!

  21. In addition to the excellent and unanimous advice you are being given here, I would like to point out that your so-called friend is actually engaging in a practice called “mommy-shaming” which is a form of bullying. Do not put up with it. If she cannot respect your desire to rear your children as you see fit, you don’t need her in your life.

  22. Whoa! Talk about harsh!!! I can’t imagine why on earth that mom would be so against letting children believe in such a fun tradition. I feel the idea of Santa is such a fun tradition – and I believe it should be enjoyed for as long as possible. Honestly, I would blow off everything she said!!

  23. I believe there is no real harm. It never hurt any of us. If you are still having mixed feelings about Santa then i would suggest reading them the true story about Saint Nicholas and how the celebration of presents at Christmas came about. I would also talk with them about the real reason we celebrate Christmas, Jesus birthday and that he was the greatest gift of all. You could also start a family tradition of giving to those in need in your local community as a way of giving Christmas cheer to others.

  24. Regarding when to tell kids about Santa, I have a plan that may work for you. Instead of hiding all gifts till Christmas, keep one or two where they may find them about the house, fully wrapped of course.
    They will recognize the paper and size and probably not say anything. They don’t want to spoil your surprise. My Mom did this and it backfired on her.

    She asked me to get something out of her closet and I spotted two little gifts for me. I was about your kids ages. Good luck, love and hugs.

  25. What there’s no Santa oh no? Christmas is a loving heartfelt time to go back to when you were young how it made you feel and the excitement it created. Don’t fret over this I was the same like you when we raised our girls. In time they will realize the true meaning of Christmas and I’m sure other kids in school will tell them. Life is too short time goes by so quickly and before you turn around they will be grown with children of their own. I’m 63 years old and I relish the thought of Santa Claus and the excitement of being a child again looking back at once upon a time. With all that’s happening in this country believing in something not real is not harmful they will look back as my girls did and laugh about it saying remember Mom Santa?? Enjoy their wonder and excitement and have a Merry Christmas. God bless you and your family

  26. Take heart and listen to your own heart. Your children are 7 and 9 years of age. Chances are they have already been told “the truth” about Santa from some of the kids at school and are just going along with the traditions you have set for your own holiday celebrations so as not to disappoint you. I have three children (all grown and parents themselves) and they are no worse the wear for believing in Santa as youngsters and they definitely knew it was a “myth” long before we told them. (We did encourage them to keep believing, once they, knew so their younger syblings had the opportunity to bask in the “myth” as long as they could.) They have continued the “myth” with their own children (and, now, grandchildren). They never hated us or thought we were liars … and we even went so far as to tell them if they didn’t believe in Santa, they wouldn’t get a present from him!!! Enjoy your holidays and don’t listen to the naysayers.

  27. I was recently part of a similar conversation on Facebook. First, I have NEVER known of any child/person to suffer psychological damage from believing in Santa Clause, then discovering the “truth”.
    One of my favorite memories of my father goes back to when I was around 6 years old. I was watching TV, and he was busy in the garage – as was normal. At one point, he came in (there was a door that opened into the dining area), and he walked to the back, glass door. He opened the door & was looking around, then went back to the door to the garage, opened it again, & looked some more. He then said that, “The strangest thing just happened…”. He proceeded to tell me that a short, fat man just came into the garage, & told him that he needed to drop something off, as he couldn’t fit it in with everything else. He said, “He left this, and said it was for you…”. He then rolled in a band new bicycle! Then he said that he didn’t know what happened, but he took the bike, then looked up – and the man was gone!
    That was almost 60 years ago, and it is still one of my favorite, and greatest, memories! The bicycle is long gone, but I will always have that memory.
    Now, (excuse me for going on), I read a post of Facebook where a mother was telling how she handled it when her kids learned the “truth”. When her oldest first found out, she sat him down & told him that she had a big secret to tell him. (And I may get some things a little wrong, but the main points are here) She then told him that we are all secretly Santas. She told him that he was to pick out a person who he would like to give a gift – but it must remain a secret to the receiver. There was an old woman living nearby who nobody seemed to like – and she seemed to feel the same way towards others. One morning, the boy noticed that this woman was walking out to get her paper, and had no shoes on. So, with his mother’s help, they watched, then guessed what size she would wear. Then they bought a pair of house shoes, he wrapped them, and left them on her front porch. They watched her come out of her house, pick up the package, look around, then go back inside. The next day, they saw her walk out to get her paper – wearing the new house shoes. But the main point was that the boy was so happy! Just the idea of giving – without recognition – taught him the true meaning of Santa Claus. When her younger son reached the point of knowing, the older brother joined the mother in telling the “truth” about Santa.
    There is no harm in letting a child believe in Santa Claus. And… the reason I put quotation marks around the word “truth”, is that – in many ways – at almost 65-yrs-old, I still believe……

  28. I have 4 children all grown up and left home,they all believed in santa until a they became a certain age they do find out at school or just figure it out themselves.
    My 3 older children talked my youngest in tell me he still believed in santa up until he was 15 the reason was if he had told me that he doesn’t believe in santa anymore they would alll stop getting santa sacks (cheeky things)
    You are doing no harm to your children it’s a magical time of year
    My children were told it was the day Christ was born and I told them the history of Christmas when they were older
    Have fun with your children they grow up so fast

  29. Well – my parents did similar things in regards to Santa, the Easter bunny, the Tooth Fairy and I am a well adjusted human being and I DO NOT resent my parents at all. Actually I still believe in “Santa” at least the “magic” of Santa. It is harmless, so I would say, continue doing what you’re doing. I think there are way more things we do/don’t do with and to our children, that will assist them in resenting their parents more. But that is just my own thoughts on the subject

  30. Please keep up the magic of Christmas for as long as you can….it’s a beautiful thing….also the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. Childhood ends so quickly, enjoy the excitiment while you and the children can. The memories will last forever in a happy way for you all.

  31. I’m sorry your coffee friends put such a doubt in your mind about this. All families have traditions that are handed down. I truly believe that your children are not going to hold this against you. Who is it hurting, no one. Who is getting enjoyment out this , you and your family. There are times you just have to look naysayers in the eyes and tell them you feel sorry for them that they don’t have special things like that you and your children enjoy. Christmas is really a celebration of Jesus’s birth. Santa is just Santa. Would I think it would fantastic if you had a birthday cake or time celebrating Jesus’s birth? Yes I would. But your traditions aren’t hurting anyone. It brings joy and mystery and wonder to them. With all the horrible things going on in America and other places this is just a way to put that part of the world at bay for a while. Enjoy life for it is way too short. Maybe you need to rethink your friends who put a downer on your holiday season.

  32. There is nothing wrong in letting them believe in Santa. They will learn the truth soon if they haven’t already started questioning it.. Santa has been around for a long time and I never heard anyone has been damaged for life for believing.

  33. Don’t take away the magic of Santa ,I had seven children and as they grew and learned from their friends it wasn’t Santa who brought gifts they were in awe of us as parents and felt honoured to hold the secret from their younger siblings until they too showed much appreciation and love for all we did for them ,what a load of twaddle your friend has said if anything its the time in their lives that they need to believe in magic and teaches them to be thankful not to mention they will grow up quick enough

  34. Plese continue they are little for such a short time and the world is so harsh.When we were asked if Santa was real we told them only if the believed. They were never mad at us for lying to them. This year our nine year old granddaughter is not sure.I will never spoil the Christmas Santa mystery for her.I will tell her the same.She will learn in her own time.

  35. I’m 76 years of age and had this same tradition both my brother and plus many cousins and we’re still here without any psychological problems. I’m going to say….I think that today’s parents coddle their kids not letting them make life learning mistakes, be independent, learn that it’s not the end of the world or shameful to fail.
    I’d like to tell you to keep up with the old traditions that you’ve experienced in your families.
    Don’t let this tradition be lost as it’s been around for a very long time.

  36. By all means….Keep your traditions…your children will let you know when it isn’t neccessary. I am not mentally damage for my mom doing Santa stuff….I still believe in the Spirit of Santa…I am 63 years young by the way….People like that should keep ideas like that to themselves…

  37. Well, with friends like that, you really need a Santa. Besides, if your kids are around her kids, they already know that Santa is not real. The other thing to remember, at 9 and 7, there are a lot of kids that know already. It could be that your kids are keeping the Santa love alive so that you are excited about Christmas too.

    They might have figured out the longer they believe, the more their stocking is stuffed.

    Merry Christmas, and I believe in Santa and I’m 62. All is well, your friend doesn’t seem to know how to have fun.

  38. Even after my children found out about Santa (not even sure when it was, I think it was a gradual realisation) they still wanted Santa gifts. This went on every year until they left home in their 20s. It made Christmas a really fun time. Neither of them were damaged so tell your Grinch friend to keep her beliefs and you will keep yours. Have a Merry Christmas!

  39. I am very sorry for your friend she had lost so of the magic of Christmas, I am 3rd eldest 5 sisters and 3 brothers we always had the magic of Santa around it was always done through love. As we got to that time and asked, Mum would tell us about the tradition and how now we had become part of that wonderful tradition.
    I raised my 2 beautiful and successful kids who have given me 7 Grandchildren and a Great Grandson all believers. One of the most helpful part of this tradition is when any child starts the I want I want , I open my mouth and out comes Mums word “ Put it on your Christmas list and if it’s your turn then you may get it “
    (Thanks Mum it worked for years and they are okay with that as they as learn everyone has to wait the turn.
    Also helped when you couldn’t get everything the wanted .)That magic of Christmas and Santa still lives in my heart and I try to keep it all year round. I have had this conversation many times with many people over the years and I believe it makes us better people.
    I believe and will aways believe in the magic of Santa
    62 Year’s and counting. You follow your heart your children will love you no matter what, I have never herd any saying “ it because my family believe in Santa “ as a response for acts of evil .
    May you and your family have a wonderful Christmas
    Enjoy that magic. I BELIEVE IN SANTA

  40. Dear Cathy,
    I am sorry to say your friend is full of balogna. My mother raised 9 kids all of which believed in santa and I raise 3 all of which harbor no ill will or mental damage. They are only kids once let them believe.

  41. It didn’t tramatize my children that there was or wasn’t a Santa. I left that up to them when they were
    around nine and ten. They are now in their fifty’s. They came home from school one day telling me that some kids were saying there was no such person as Santa. “Is there really a Santa mom?
    My answer to that was “well I’ll tell you, Santa brings gifts to children who believe in him, no presents to those that don’t believe. Now, do you believe in Santa. “Oh yes Mom, we believe”. Problem solved!

  42. Sad isn’t it that in today’s world you are not allowed to let children have the fun and excitement of Christmas mysteries. Our children suffered no harm growing up with the belief that Santa gave them some of their gifts. They now do the same with their children.
    Growing up myself and eldest of four, and old enough to know, I recall knowing in the back of my mind that mum and dad were Santa but did not want to pop the bubble so kept quiet. I was devastated when my grandmother made the decision to say it out loud that there was no Santa and I was old enough to know. Yes I knew but wanted to still be the child and have that excitement on the day. LIfe is serious enough let everyone have the joy and mystery.

  43. Until the boys were 10-12 we told them the truth that Santa was just a man in Germany who gave food to children who had none and did not want them to go hungry as the people celebrated the season.
    When our sons were 10-12 I asked them whose birthday this was and why we celebrate it. And my youngest said it is Jesus. I also asked them how many gifts did Jesus received and again the youngest said 3, and I said do you feel that you should receive more than Jesus and again the youngest one said we do not deserve any. I then laugh and said you will receive what you deserve and they were richly given 4 large gifts each.

  44. I have always felt a little queasy at this enormous lie to my kids. But I went on with it anyway. When my kids asked me if Santa was Real, I just said not now but was and now it’s the spirit of the thing.
    It is so commercialized now, and I think we have lost the true meaning of Christmas. I remember I was devastated when a friend told me that there was no Santa, just your parents and I was jeered at for believing otherwise. I was very upset with my parents for a long time because of trust issues and because quite rude to them but then again that was how I took the news.
    I think nowadays children learn at an early age that Santa is just a fun thing, because of the Phones and Internet access etc. Just my opinion. It is a terrible lie and abetted by the whole of society.

  45. My heart resonated with your question. I felt guilt about the lie especially as I too went into the role and mystery of it all as much as you. My only child is 11 and only found out this past year, when she put me on the spot- “tell me truth, is he real or not?”
    I simply answered he was once a real person and because what he did was so beautiful, that we wanted you to feel some of that joy, and love of presents and love. Of course, I was then immediately asked about the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy…. I was heartbroken because it was about me, my joy, and I grieved the loss. Two days later, my daughter came back to me and asked if she could still put out stocking ( pillow case for Santa). “Sure” I said, “you can still get a present from Santa.” She then floored me when she asked if we could still do all the stuff I did and she wanted to do the footprints! I beamed. I asked her why and she replied with enthusiasm ” it was for the pets”.

    So to wrap up lovely lady, I just asked my daughter your question. She said “NO. They’ll find out when they find out.”

    Your friend cares very much but you are their mother. They can find out now or when they are more emotionally mature. Most kids in my world started asking around 10 yrs old.

    You’ll make the best decision from love not fear. Merry Christmas

  46. Omg, i thought i was the only one! My eldest is 8, he has a 4yo brother too which i feel plays a part, my 8yo is a very innocent 8yo, “unicorns aren’t real, not like the tooth fairy and Santa” I’ve thought about (breaking his heart) telling him, mostly because I don’t want kids at school to tease him, and I’m glad i haven’t because June this year he was diagnosed with a brain tumour, so now, amongst all the s**t that is hospital and chemo and needles etc, he has something magical to look forward to. I believe you should do whats right for you and your family, and if your friends are going to be a**holes about it then you’ve got the wrong friends…

  47. My son asked the question when he was in Grade 3. My daughter figured it out for herself that one person couldn’t deliver toys to every child in the world in one night. The magic of Christmas was good for them and the eventual truth did them no harm. They are normal, well adjusted adults now with children of their own who are now revelling the same magical time of year. My answer to the question was that Santa was real for as long as you believe.

  48. To be honest, I think that mom seriously over-stepped her bounds, and threw you into a bit of a tizzy. You know, it really isn’t any of her business. If you want your family to believe in Santa, there is no harm. Sure, it gets a little awkward when the kids ask if Santa is real. When I asked, my Mom told me that Santa is the Spirit of Christmas; the Joy of Giving. I accepted that, and I am still known to watch the skies on Christmas Eve, at 61 years old. I told my own kids the same thing my Mom told me. No harm. It is truly one of the most magical feelings, to know your kids believe, to see the joy and wonder in their eyes; and even afterward, they keep the Spirit alive for the younger kids to enjoy. Don’t fret. You’re a fun Mom!

  49. Sounds like some little mother got her feelings hurt when she was a kid. Don’t worry about her, waiting on Santa is half the fun! All kids should be excited about Santa coming to town. It’s tradition!

  50. I believe in faries. My now adult children, one with children of their own, believed in Santa.
    The grandchildren believe in Santa. My adult children enjoy the fun of these traditions, though they know Santa doesn’t come down a chimney, or bring gifts, they still keep the magical and enjoyable
    times going. They grew up on many books of different stories. They watched all the kids shows, and kids movies. My son’s favourite books and character was Author Enid Blyton, and Naughty Amelia Jane.Her antics used to make him laugh so much.
    Nothing wrong with it, imagination and play are good things, believing in Santa won’t damage your children. I always explained to mine the entire tradition, the origin, etc, they still enjoy the; as above mentioned. They, like me, enjoy the world of fantasy, mystical, magical, creativity, sci fi, etc. Life is too short, difficult , serious, and too many horrendous things happen every day around the world, to not have something to enjoy. Wish the magic, love, and joy available on Christmas day was available all year.
    Instead of one day of peace, here and there, there would be 365 days, and globally that would be awesome.

  51. I found out all on my own that Santa was a mythical person…simply by reading a book. I think I was 9 or 10. I asked my Mom about it, whether it was the truth or not. She said:” Honey, Santa is in your heart. As long as he is in your heart, he’s as real as you are.” And now I say to you, do what is in your heart about this. Do the right thing. You know what that is. Trust your own instincts and stop letting your jaded, overbearing, negative “friend” try to tell you how to raise YOUR children. Quite frankly, I feel sorry for her children. They obviously don’t have many fantasies or dreams left. Her own childhood must have been quite sparse for her to be foisting her “worldly” advice on you this way. Her negativity is far more damaging to you & her own children. Tell her to mind her own business & let you raise your children the way you believe is right. If she doesn’t want to be your friend afterwards, that’s HER problem…..not yours. Simple as that.

  52. Let them be kids as long as possible. I remember we lived on a farm where doors had key holes my brother & I looked through & saw Mum Dad wrapping the presents, it was many years later we owned up. So we were doing the same as our parents. Don’t feel guilty.

  53. I think your coffee mom is the one that needs help! I have 3 grown children and they are all healthy with no issues related to learning Santa was make believe. Santa only adds to the magical moments of Christmas for children why spoil it!!
    Let your children be children life is to short for them to have to grow up any faster than already have too!!

  54. Your friend is a tit. Children and adults need a bit of fantasy and magic in their lives. My daughters and grandchildren grew up looking for fairies in our garden and the local woods. I would convince them that they lived all around us. My husband used to dress up as Father Christmas and sneak into their room, take a chunk out of the mince pie, bite the carrot, drink the sherry/beer and even leave little notes. One of my girls is a Social worker, the other teaches art, my grand daughter teaches English and drama. All very stable, none of them think they were deceived, but all have carried the tradition on with their children. All very caring, imaginative and loving people. Tell the person ‘to get a life’. Glad she wasn’t my parent!

  55. I believed in Santa Claus for a long time. The year that I got my bicycle, I suspected that Santa was not real and went downstairs when I heard noise and stood behind the closed door. But then, I went back upstairs to my bed because I wanted to keep on believing. Both of my children believed in Santa Claus and when they asked about him, we told them that Santa was the spirit of Christmas and that is the absolute truth.

  56. JUST SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT MOST OF THE WORLD STILL HAS A BRAIN AND WOULD LET THE TRADITION CARRY ON – ENJOY THEM WHILE THEY ARE LITTLE – IT WILL SUC ENOUGH AS THEY GET OLDER ANDHAVE TO DEAL WITH BULLYING, MEAN FRIENDS – ETC. I THNK THAT WOMENS CHILDREN GOT CHEATED.

  57. Tell that mom to grow up. Nobodies kids ever feel that way after they find out the truth. Some of them actually enjoy being in on the secret! Most kids figure it out themselves. They also realize it’s part of growing up. I wouldn’t worry about that other mom. I would ask her not to let her kids talk to yours about it.

  58. BS. Keep up your traditions. When kids are old enough they might question it. You’ll know what to tell them and when to tell them. You can tell them it’s part of the magic of Christmas. What about Elf on the Shelf. It’s a fun thing that families do. Are those kids going to be hurt psychologically? I don’t think so!

  59. Were the perpetrator’s info true there would be thousands of additional psychotic individuals. Santa’s anonymous premise would have to be discarded. The info the woman gave you is self-serving and uninformative, as earnest as she may be. Christmas is Christmas it is globally celebrated. And so far we are sans psychotics/psychopaths who were “lied” to about Christmas. Also ruins a lot of anonymous Santa gift-giving.

  60. Keep doing what you are they realise for them self what is real my were always told the real meaning of Christmas but never did I not let them enjoy father Christmas we always left milk and cookies out

  61. You don’t need my advice! You already have a whole bunch of good answers. Let the children enjoy the excitement of the fantasy — that is too soon gone.

  62. Kids today grow up way too fast & have to deal with reality at an earlier age as it is! Let the whole family enjoy and share the fantasy – no worries because they will let you know in their own way when it’s time to hear the truth. With all the dangers and challenges in the world, it is a much appreciated respite to step out of the “real world” and into the world of wonder. ( I sometimes think the adults get as much or more enjoyment as the children — I know I do, and I’m 66 years young!) Don’t worry about what others think or do. They have the right to raise their family with their traditions and beliefs, but you and yours have the same right. Merry Christmas & God bless…..and don’t forget to give Santa a special hug!

  63. Keep up the tradition as have millions of other parents. It’s not damaging the children and they eventually will ask the question at around the age of 9 or 10 and that’s when you tell them, that he is not real but it’s just something that we do, like fairies, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

  64. One good thing about Santa is that he watches when kids misbehave and they know there won’t be any presents unless they are good. Don’t worry, I believed in Santa as did my kids and grandkids.

  65. I feel sorry for that other womans children, where’s the magic of Christmas for them??? Keep up the good work you are doing in keeping the magic going for your own children, theres enough misery and hardship in this world without people like her. Hope you and your family have a really great Christmas because after raising 5 children, none of whom hate me for “lying” to them believe you me the magic of Christmas goes out the window when theres no one in the house waiting for Santa.

  66. REALLY?? There is nothing wrong in believing in Santa. I wouldn’t say a word to them. When the time comes to tell them, you and you alone will know when the time is right. Until then…..let them believe!!

  67. My kids are 11 years apart and in between. As the older two got older, their friends told them there was no Santa Claus, he was fake. I just explained to them that the spirit of Santa was real. That we should always be giving and caring of others no matter what time of the year. The girls still tease about there being “No Santa” and I just remind them that he can now skip getting them anything!!!

  68. Goodness me, Christmas is all about the magic, I was brought up on it and I survived to 65 and loved it. It is all part of Christmas and I say let the children believe for as long as they can. Next they will be telling me there are no fairies in the garden. 😉 I do think your friend has extreme views she should keep to herself and stop spoiling it for everyone else. I honestly do not think there are any foundations to them.

  69. My very spiritual mother refused to permit her seven children to believe in Santa, told us we only celebrated Jesus’ birthday. However, having children of our own, chose not to follow that teaching, however, I can see where she was coming from. Having one daughter which became a hard working nurse, shows no damage from permitting her to believe in Santa. She enjoyed Christmas every year, never had to explain there wasn’t a Santa, she and her friends figured it out on their own. Do as you wish, all will be just fine, let time take care of the facts. Your two precious children will, in time, know their mother loved them enough to permit them to have fun for a few years.

  70. Hi Cathy,
    You sound like a truly loving and caring Mum who’s giving your children all the magic that Christmas holds. Keep up your great work; your kids won’t think of you as a liar, they will be grateful you gave them such joy.

  71. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you do. Far from supposedly harming your children you are building love and memories. I say Phhhtttt!!!! to those that tell you otherwise.

  72. They’re your children, let them be children. They’ll figure it out in their own as they grow. Let them be happy to believe in all these characters, it isn’t going damage them. I’d be willing to get that the mother that told you that, gives her children all the newest pads, & games to play with, so she doesn’t have the time to play with them. Which child do you think is happier? Which child do you think will have a more well rounded life or personally know how much family means? Keep up the good work🖒

  73. Your kids are coming to the age where their friends at school are telling them there is no more Santa. A friend of mine handled it this way and I thought it was a great idea. When her kids asked her if there was a Santa she told them they would go out to lunch and talk about it. Over their favorite lunch she told them that Christmas was all about giving not about Santa. That one Santa could not get to all the children all over the world in one night, so parents around the world help him out. That they were now old enough to help someone else out for Christmas and be a Santa to someone who needed a little Christmas spirit. So every year her children play Santa to someone who they feel needs a little Christmas. By doing it this way she softened the blow of the parents being Santa and empowered them to help others. I know she probably put it into better words but you get the idea.

  74. We made sure our kids knew the real reason for Christmas was to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but we did the Santa thing as a fun part of Christmas. They knew from early on that it was just for fun and were OK with that.

  75. Robyn Ryan added this comment on our Facebook Page -:

    “Mum & Dad raised 8 of us. I think l was about 11 or 12 when l realised Santa was a ‘story’ & it wasn’t him, but Mum & Dad, who provided the gifts under the tree! Around the same time l remember saying to Mum that l no longer had ‘the excited butterfly feeling’ any more. I think her reply was something like ‘maybe it’s because you’re growing up’ .. We, as a family, certainly haven’t ‘been damaged’ because of a few years of ‘believing’ in Santa!!!! Agree with other comments ‘enjoy your family traditions, life is definitely too short & children are growing up way tooo fast … Christmas Greetings to You & Your Family & All the Other Families Celebrating Happy Memories of Christmas’ over the years.”

  76. Let your children keep their innocence and believe in Santa as long as possible you alone will know when the time is right to tell them. I was 12 when I found out and my sister was 10 and it didn’t hurt us. We had a brother who was five and was told not to tell him. My mother said each and every person who gives a gift to someone is a Santa and that at one time their was a real Santa which started the tradition of Santa Claus, we still got gifts and gave gifts and enjoyed Christmas just as much as when we believed in Santa. Our kids, sister, brother and I they all believed in Santa and no harm came to them, and our grandkids too. Let you children believe in Santa I think its good for them and the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny and Fairies because children grow up so fast. I feel all adults believe in Santa as in giving gifts to others and giving to unfortunate people to make them happy and seeing them enjoy their gifts. So yes their is a Santa Claus in each and every one of us that keeps the Santa tradition going.

  77. Hi there, all 3 of my kids, plus 2 grandies aged 11 and 5 were and still are led to believe Santa was real until they got to high school, and believe me that was hard as there were a lot of outside influences and I told some tall stories to keep Santa and the easter bunny etc alive. You will not damage your kids, they will not resent you. And if we are going to get really picky then most TV and books aren’t real, so do we only let them watch the news and read the newspaper.

    Santa is not a lie but a little bit of magic that makes kids smile and fills their hearts with joy and with the world the way it is every child deserves to be a child. Tell your friend to nick off and mind her own business. Enjoy your traditions with your kids as they grow up so fast. My kids and their families love xmas,the whole house is decorated and Santa still comes every year!

  78. There is NO harm in telling your kids there is a Santa or fairies.When they find out the truth about santa you let them know they are now a santa and it’s their job to secretly find out what their younger brother or sister want for Christmas and you let the child wrap the gifts and put them under the tree.That way they are a part of the new Christmas tradition.You let them know the spirit of Santa lives in everyone and that anyone can be a santa.If there are no younger siblings you can tell your child to secretly find out if there is a neighbour who doesn’t have much money and find out if there are kids and your child can help shop for gifts and sneak them at their door.They feel good for helping make someone happy and who knows as they grow up the tradition of helping someone needy might continue.Let kids be kids.

  79. I am a 70 year old Mom and Grandparent and I believe in Santa and magic of love.. My Dad told me that in years gone by there was a man who brought presents to children. When the man called Santa passed away the children were very sad because he had made the days before Christmas magical. The children thought he was the same as the wise men who brought gifts to baby Jesus. We all know that Jesus lives in our hearts and we should be kind and love one another. So the parents became Santa so his magic would live on.

  80. Dawn
    There is so much out there in their future lives that they will have to face.
    Let them be children with dreams as long as it is possible.
    You are doing what all Mum’s in my time did in the future they will probably do the same for their children. The woman who said this must have very unhappy children who are missing out on the very lovely time of innocence Go ahead do what you always do enjoy this time with your children.

  81. It’s lovely that young children belive in the wonderight of Christmas and santa we used to to do the leaving of a drink of milk and mince pie and food for reenddear even to reindeer food in garden some thing like a little bit of glitter in bag with some crunched up cereal or nohw you can get little bits of fat pieces in your local shop but together so children see sparkling reindeer eerie food next morning it’s gone I used to tap liveine room door open it seems my daughterson eyes light up let children have that wonder of Christmas it’s not harmed my daughter

  82. Why would she want to spoil the memories you are making with your children?
    One of the best posts I have read about perpetuating the ‘Santa myth’ is as follows: Keep up with your traditions and when the child questions the reality of Father Christmas, don’t lie to them-take them to somewhere quiet-maybe for afternoon tea-and then explain they are now old enough to ‘be FC/Santa’. Ask them to think of someone (neighbour/friend etc) who doesn’t have a lot and think of something they could get for them as a ‘secret’ gift and get them to do it all (with help if req’d) so they now become a ‘secret Santa’. For example, an elderly neighbour who doesn’t get out much, maybe a nice food hamper or a meal voucher at a local restaurant. I feel this is a much nicer & gentler way to children being told ‘the truth’ about Santa.
    I am a grandparent now and I ‘Still Believe’ as there is a magical air around at Christmas time. Good luck with whatever you decide is best for your family 🙂

  83. My three sons not only believed in Santa, they believed in the spirit of Christmas. They never asked if Santa was real, they knew the spirit of Santa was real. The magic of Christmas is real and exciting and it has been a wonderful part of my children’s upbringing and one son has share the magic with his children and another is starting with his family and I can only hope that it continues with my youngest son when he starts his family. Reality hits all too soon these days, embrace the magic.

  84. I am 50 years old, and last year, my Mom turned to me and said, “I have a huge favor to ask you”. I said sure, she’s 71, had to have triple bypass and had some healing issues. Dead serious she looks at me and says-in a whisper, in an empty home except for the two of us, “I am so sorry, but I can’t get the Christmas stocking stuff for you guys this year, can you pick it up for me so Santa can still visit my house”. Of course, I said yes, but I asked “why didn’t you ask Lynnie?” and dead serious she looks at me and says “because she still believes in Santa”. FYI, Lynnie is 45. I thought it was going to be because I have the kids (who are 26 & 28) or the Grandson (who is 2). Nope, its because my 45 year old College Graduate sister still believes–and she wouldn’t of asked me either except when I became a parent, I became a Santa Elf. Christmas is about family, tradition, and magic. Don’t ever let that magic go away!!! Even at 3, we are teaching our Grandson, as we taught our kids, that giving is better then recieving, helping others makes you feel warm & cuddly–but Santa always watches and knows what’s in your heart. Not telling your child about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny??? Give them happy memories and don’t worry-believe that in this case you are doing right by them and they will carry on your traditions for Generations to come!!!

  85. Everyone needs a bit of magic in their life. What really matters is they still believe there is kindness in this world. With all that’s going on in this world, kindness is a rare commodity. For a short time people remember gods message to love one another. What does Santa have to do with this? A kind old man who works all year to make kids happy. Now that’s worth believing.

  86. REALLY, I think there is a lot of opinions out there about this. I let my children believe in Santa, someone burst that bubble for them, when they asked me questions about it, I explained about the tradition and they were happy with that and we continued on. We always had talk about traditional things and they enjoyed being a part of it all. No resentment.

  87. I found myself in a similar dilemma with my daughter, I was concerned how she would react when the bubble was busted, and I actually lost sleep over the thought of her calling me a liar, I’d always been extremely honest with my child and felt the Santa situation could do irreparable damage to parent child trust, but am also wise enough to know life without magic or heart is pointless. So I came up with a plan to try and emotionally explain how real Santa really is, my daughter is 27 now and if my memory serves me correctly it went something like this… Really how can Santa not be real? He lives in everyone’s hearts all year, and once a year, every year without fail, everyone who love’s Santa’s heart, carries on his legacy and create surprises, and keep secrets and stuff sacks, and do all they can to keep Santa’s magical heart alive, because he is that loved, how can someone that loved not matter, and now that you know, it’s now your job, to keep the secret like adults do, and keep his magical heart alive, and make Christmas as much fun every year, just like Santa… by the powers of be, it worked, and we had no angst or betrayal over Santa. Good luck you’re obviously an honest parent or it wouldn’t bother you, much love, peace, love, light.

  88. Shame it’s sad how so many people put the fear in parents with this… honestly it’s not like the rest of the world is not doing it…we all went through it and do we hold it against our parents?…There was a lady who did something with her children who had the same problem… she decided to make her kiddies Secret Santa’s by getting them to give a gift to somebody they did not know… her son was always chased by the lady down the street she was grumpy and hated him…He decided to buy her a pair of slippers as he noticed when she came out to collect the newspaper she was barefoot… The moral of the story is…She explained to her kids that everyone is a Secret Santa, and that they are now old enough to be secret Santa’s too, but they must buy a gift for someone they do not know and secretly leave it for them in their mail box or on their porch etc… Then she taught them that the secret to being a secret Santa is to not allow them to know where it came from, because you are doing something kind for someone and should not do it just for the acknowledgement but because you want to help do something kind in return as your secret Santa did for you… I hope this helps and I really wish I kept the video posted on facebook about it.. Chin up and good luck…Merry Christmas x

  89. What a load of rubbish. Keep up your tradition. I have 4 children and we did the same. However it was carrots for the reindeer and beer for Santa as it’s hot here in Australia at Christmas. They loved Christmas as it’s such a magical time for little ones. We know have 4 grand children and the tradition still stands every second year now as we have to share our children with their partners families. We all get into the spirit and enjoy a fun filled family time. My children are 38, 36,34 and 27 and they still talk about our lots of family traditions including Santa and Easter Bunny. No harm to any of them.

  90. It’s a Beautiful time of the year!! I think the same as all of the above.
    I told my 2 eldest boys 9 & 7 if they don’t believe !! No Preasents. They also had a Sister 5yrs younger, they enjoyed keeping it going for her.
    Now we get such a thrill watching them do the same to their children & as Grand Parents too we play along . It’s so Lovely to see their faces light up. ENJOY THE MOMENT..you’ll know when it’s time to tell them.
    (Sounds like to me that Lady hasn’t experienced Christmas like a lot of us have ) & that’s ashame.

  91. I too love Christmas and my daughteroom too she’s now 27 but she still likes it when we put tree up the Christmas nativity comes out but for baby jess the others I move around room till cHristo as eve then there put in stable at midnight baby jess is put there too my daughter loves her stocking evenue now I usedon’t to love mine thato my parientire used to do a orange and little gifts cHristo as was magiven then oi grow up in Cardiff to see lights go to Howell sew santa and I did it with my daughter happy christmas and enjoy the wonders of childhood

  92. Google “yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” This is the best answer I have ever seen. Many of us know full well that Jesus is the reason for the season but that doesn’t mean we have to ruin anyone else’s Christmas!

  93. Oh the joys of “modern” parenting! Some of the best memories of my childhood feature Christmas and all that went with it including believing in Santa Claus. I can’t even remember at what age I found out that my parents had “lied” to us; I guess it was a sort of transitional thing particularly as I had younger siblings for whom the secret had to be kept. I say carry on with letting them believe; they grow up too quickly as it is.

  94. I have two daughters. One will be 37 later this month and the other is 14. I did Santa with my older daughter. When she discovered the truth, she felt deceived and was very upset at my “willingness to lie to her.” I lost credibility with her. After that experience with her, I decided to be completely honest with her sister. I told her about St. Nicholas, and explained that when he died people made up this story to pretend he was still alive and gave gifts pretending to be him just like she sometimes pretended to be a puppy or a princess, and we shouldn’t spoil their game by telling on them. I explained that we give gifts at Christmas in honor of the wonderful gift that God gave to us, Jesus. She loves Christmas, doesn’t feel that she has missed out on anything, and I have absolute credibility with her. Honesty is best, in my opinion.

  95. I can’t believe how many people stand up and voice so adamantly to continue something like this. So many have come together for this when they can’t even come together and agree on real things. Things that are important and matter. Not on some make believe topic.
    I agreed with the 3rd or 4th person. It’s lying to your kids. And then when you want them to believe in God do you think they will trust that story when they can’t see Him either?
    Everyone is so it’s about making the kids happy. Don’t take that away blah blah blah. People should be going on and on like this about what it’s meaning is and the celebration of that. NOT oh its fun this and fun that for the kids. I think that’s so disrespectful to Jesus and people have went so far away from thinking right. They’ve turned things more pagan and not on the real meaning. It’s all about how they want it to be and about
    Anyways that’s my long two cents. Oh I raised 3 children and they knew the truth and we celebrated the real meaning of what Christmas was and they loved it. We read stories all about Christ birth. Prior to during and after. And they loved it. And always with a big Christmas meal.

  96. Keep having Santa as long as you can, Christmas is really disappointing once Santa doesnt come.
    We all seem to come out of finding out about Santa unscathed. We just have to suck it up and move on.

  97. Tell your friend to lighten up. I think a child would be more traumatised if they don’t have Santa and the magic at Christmas. I think the parents would have more to answer for when they grow up. Celebrating Jesus birth, going to church, being with family, the joy of giving has always been Christmas to me. Children today are getting bombarded with so much keep the magic going.

  98. I have a a 7 years old daughter who believes in Santa, tooth fairy and angels wholeheartedly. I don’t see any harm in keeping up the fun tradition. And when the time comes, which is when she actually questions the existence of Santa, I plan to tell her the truth but also include her to be a part of it: I’ll tell her that she’s old enough to be trusted with the truth. Santa Claus has indeed lived and left presents to people(which can be proven by many stories around the world as to whole is etc.). And as grown-ups we continue the tradition and she can now join us. Then I’ll as her to chose a classmate and prepare a gift for her/him without being noticed. I’m hoping this will help her understand how things are.

  99. Keep up with the wonder and excitement of Santa. When the time comes tell them about the spirit and hope of Christmas. There is no lie in believing that. Santa still brings joy to our grown up family as well as our grandchildren. In our world of hate, war and tragedy we all need to have some moments of living with the pleasures of celebrations. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Enjoy every moment.

  100. That woman is a horrible unqualified quack. Santa is absolutely real. Santa embodies a spirit of giving, of love thy neighbor, and so much more. We utilize a fat man in a suit to illustrate a concept that is hard for many to grasp. TO SAY SANTA ISN’T REAL IS WHAT IS DAMAGING. To tell a child that being kind, and giving and loving thy neighbor is bad is what would really be damaging.

  101. My children believed in Santa and it did not hurt them one bit. Belief is part of Christmas. Do not let other people change you holiday.

  102. Keep up the traditions!! I myself use to leave Santa footprints on the floor and not only did my children leave cookies and milk for Santa, they left food for the reindeer as well. My children are now grown and very successful – the oldest is a Doctor, the middle is a Veterinarian, and the youngest is studying to be a Physicians Assistant. So as you can see, there is no psychological damage there. To this day, I have NEVER said there is not a Santa, it is an unwritten rule in my home because Santa is the magic of Christmas to children – there is a Santa, it may not be the Jolly Old Elf dressed in Red – it may just be mom and dad creating that magic for their children. They will figure it out in time and maybe like my children never say anything – just go with it ~ keep the magic alive!

  103. You keep up what you are doing. You are making Christmas enjoyable for your children. YOUR CHILDREN. You are not harming them in any way. I’m sure you were raised with the Christmas spirit! Look what you are continuing to do. It stems from generation to generation. You go Mom and Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  104. I taught 5th grade for many years. When asked, they said they didn’t believe any more, so I asked what Santa represented. Eventually they got to “giving.” We then determined Santa was “The Spirit of Giving” and it was alright to believe in him. Those 10-year-old faces lit up knowing it was OK to still believe, and I think fewer told their siblings there was no Santa, he just wasn’t human but a giving spirit.

  105. When my sister, brother, and I were teenagers, we lived on a farm. We had heard that on Christmas Eve night, if you go to the barn and sit quietly, then at midnight, you would experience the following: if there are animals in the barn, they would face the East, kneel down, and begin to talk; and you would hear a baby cry. Since we had no animals in the barn, that one could not be confirmed. But… we did hear a baby cry. And not just that, but we also heard bells ringing (sleigh bells). They began at one corner of the barn, and went all around the barn in less than 5 seconds! We knew it couldn’t have been our parents, because the ground was iced over, and there were a couple of fences they would have had to jump over. At first shocked, then excited, we slid all the way back to the house to tell our parents about what we had experienced. Of course, they were skeptical, but we knew what we had heard. My sister and I shared a room; when we went upstairs to get ready for bed, we heard the bells again, right outside our window! But when I flew to the window to see, there was nothing there… There is magic everywhere, but only if you believe. This woman obviously did not believe. So keep your tradition without worry. What you teach your children, is what they’ll grow up with. I will be 47 next month, and I STILL believe.

  106. What a terrible attitude this parent has. Keep your tradition alive as long as you can. I did not know till I was 13. Their were 16 of us and I caught my dad lugging gifts in to the house from his business across from our house. There may come a time when they will ask you if there is really a Santa because they hear about this at school, and you can decide to tell them, then. I don’t think it hurts them on single bit.

  107. Keep the magical times flowing; Father Christmas, the tooth fairy, pixies, elves, imps, whatever is relevant to your family traditionally or new tradition that you evolve. These are special times for all ages to enjoy, cherish and love – they create wonderful memories… … oh I could go on and on – enjoy the magic you create and if some people don’t wish to be involved that is their loss, simply ask that they accept what you do and not to spoil your family times.

  108. I never told my kids anything about no Santa. When they came to me I just told them” when you stop believing the magic is gone”. My kids are 40, 37 and 33 and they never resented me not telling them. In fact they were happy to believe for the longest time. You know your kids and you do what you think is right for them. Don’t listen to someone else about your kids.

  109. Children damaged, resentful – you obviously were talking to someone who feels their life is a hard knock one.

    Allow your children to believe in Santa for as long as they want. Friends will tell them it is just pretend and they may still want to believe and that is fine. They will appreciate the magic you are giving them through their whole life.

  110. The woman who told you that you are damaging your kids is a TWIT!!!! My kids are 39, 34 and 31 and we have never had the ‘Santa Talk’. They were told that the Santa that they see in the mall is a helper and not the real Santa because just like Moms and Dads, he cannot be everywhere at the same time so others help him. Santa is magical and what is wrong with magic, imagination and dreaming — especially in these time of such turmoil in the world. That woman is probably no fun at all. I feel sorry for her family with that kind of attitude. In my house, those who do not believe get underwear!!!!

  111. Some how maybe your friend was disappointed when she found out about Santa and remembers that more than the magic. At 78 I remember when I first found out that Santa wasn’t true I kept my family up half the night waiting to see if it was true or not. They were trying to keep the magic there for me in the long run they came in and told me to roll over and face the wall,as there was a dolls house for my younger sister to be bought into our room. It did me no harm other than being a bit disappointed and missing that magic until I had children of my own and being able to carry on the tradition. Your kids will find out eventually let them enjoy it for as long as they can.

  112. Hey, if your kids want to believe in Santa then thats fine, but I do think that at 9 they’re milking it! I told my girl at about 8 that Santa did not exist, she knew already, but I continued with the stocking (a real stocking which my mum used to fill for me) until she was well in her teens, she loved it! Its Christmas after all!

  113. I always thought of it like this…first of all I do not want my children to think of me as a liar, i want them yo kno for sure they can trust every word I tell them. So, we have always been honest with them about Santa. Secondly we figure that ppl out to do real harm to you, your kids and/or your home have the perfect cover in homes with children who believe in Santa. If they are quiet enough to not alert you while breaking in if your kids are still awake waiting yo catch a glimpse of Santa they won’t know to wake u when a stranger enters your home.

  114. I can’t believe how many people stand up and voice so  adamantly to continue something like this. So many have come together for this when they can’t even come together and agree on real things. Things that are important and matter. Not on some make believe topic.

    I agreed with the 3rd or 4th person. It’s lying to your kids. And then when you want them to believe in God do you think they will trust that story when they can’t see Him either?

    Everyone is so it’s about making the kids happy. Don’t take that away blah blah blah. People should be going on and on like this about what it’s meaning is and the celebration of that. NOT oh its fun this and fun that for the kids. I think that’s so disrespectful to Jesus and people have went so far away from thinking right. They’ve turned things more pagan and not on the real meaning. It’s all about how they want it to be and about

    Anyways that’s my long two cents. Oh I raised 3 children and they knew the truth and we celebrated the real meaning of what Christmas was and they loved it. We read stories all about Christ birth. Prior to during and after. And they loved it. And always with a big Christmas meal.

  115. I loved believing in Santa when I was a little girl. My grandmother raised me, I use to do little jobs around the house for her, 1 year she asked me to fetch her something from the wardrobe.
    When I opened the door I saw this most beautiful doll dressed in a pretty mauve dress, I lifted it out of the box & found more clothing underneath including a beautiful green dress. The doll could open & close her eyes & cry “mumma” her arms & legs moved also. I was in paradise looking at the doll.
    As my grandmother had 29 other grandchildren I thought it was for someone’s birthday.
    I did not want to tell her I looked in the wrong wardrobe so I said nothing but everyday if I had a chance I would sneak into the bedroom & take the doll out & sing & cuddle it. I loved it & I had never owned anything so wonderful. I just thought my grandmother was minding it for 1 of my 6 aunts daughters. My mother never sent anything to me , let alone toys. I was bout 7 years old at the time & I decided if I said nothing so I could continue to nurse this beautiful doll.
    At this time I was also being prepared for my 1st Holy Communion by the nuns at my Catholic school. I knew I was doing wrong so I use to say my prayers to God & tell Him I would be extra good if I could keep nursing this secret doll.
    Imagine my surprise Xmas morning to find Santa had left this wonderful doll for me.
    That is how I found out Santa was not real.but I never told my grandmother.
    When I had 2 daughters of my own I tried extra hard to keep Santa going for years.
    Easter bunny & tooth fairy included.
    I remember 1 Easter my young daughter saying to me ” Breson Harvey (school mate ) told me there is no Easter bunny ” I just ok if that is what u think too.
    We went to my parents for the 4 day Easter break. Before I left I gave my next door neighbour my house keys & a few dozen small brightly wrapped eggs to plant in my house.
    Off we went to my parents where my little miss told everybody the Easter bunny was a big fat fib.
    When we returned home & I opened the door for us to go inside it was great fun, there were eggs everywhere. My daughter was in shock running around finding & counting them.
    I just said ” oh they are not for u, cos u don’t believe, bunny left them for me. ”
    She cried out ” I believe, I believe, I believe mum. ” so we shared them.
    Then Xmas was upon us & again she told me Breson Harvey said there was no Santa.
    Ok I told her but what about that Easter bunny.
    Oh oh I don’t believe Breson anymore.
    I know all this was telling lies but it did no harm to my daughters in any way.
    They are married & I have 7 grandchildren. Every Easter I have such fun with my daughters & grandkids we have eggs hunts, egg dying, egg races etc.
    At Xmas 1 of my girls goes way out, leaving carrot & straw for Rudy & a cookie & milk for Santa.
    Even had Rudolph leaving chewed up carrot on the plate & straw kicked around the room.
    1 year it was raining & Rudolph left muddy footprints inside the front door.
    Another time Santa left his hat behind.
    I love these times with kids.

  116. Find a new friend as that one is not doing you any favours. Father Christmas is a wonderful tradition and Christmas would never be the same without him. Of course Christmas is primarily and most importantly a religious celebration, but magic and fantasy never did any harm-DITCH your so-called friend!

  117. I always did the Santa thing for my Daughter, until she asked me outright about the Easter Bunny. When i told her I was the Easter Bunny, she said your Santa too aren’t you. I told her yes I was. And that now she was Santa too. That it was her job as a young Santa to make sure other little kids didn’t find out until they were ready. She was fine with that. Now she is a teen, if she doesn’t believe something I tell her she will say Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. But she laughs. She knows the difference that those things were for fun. We still have Santa in our celebration. We do stockings for each other.

  118. My daughter and her husband told our grand daughters there was no Santa Claus because they wanted Christmas to be Christian celebration. We were heart broken. Keep up the tradition! We raised four children with Santa Claus and they are all emotionally well! WHen they question you, tell them that there really WAS a Santa Claus…St. Nicholas who secretly gave to the poor. We continue the tradition of giving like St. Nicholas. They can carry on the tradition of being a Secret Santa to others….doing kind acts for others in need, helping out at a food bank or shelter, adopt a needy family for Christmas. Many ways they can pass on the joy and excitement of the season to others! As for our grand daughters? I am happy to say that despite their parents claim, they write letters to Santa, talk about Santa all the time and put out cookies and milk. And our son-in-law is relenting lol.

  119. Have you been damaged by your parents pretending Santa came? Change your friends – too intense and ?helicopter parenting. There is enough of reality to come for your children – let them have fun and fantasy for a little longer! Merry Christmas to you and yours….

  120. True story…..
    I have 3 adult children. When our youngest was about 9-10 we were sitting on the floor wrapping Christmas gifts one afternoon. She came right out and asked me, “Mom, are you Santa Claus?” I wanted to be honest, so I said, “Yes honey, I am Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and St. Nick.” Her eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree! Then she suddenly said to me, “Did you see Amanda sleeping when you went to her house?” (her little friend Amanda had lost a tooth a few days before) Hahahah! I had to compose myself before explaining that I was only OUR family’s Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc….

  121. Change ” friend”. Now ! Urgently !
    I have yet to see a child that was psychologically damaged and resentful when finding out/figuring out, that Santa was not real. AND, you are NOT lying to them, you are creating loving memories about your Xmas traditions.
    Disappointed ? Devastated and upset that you were dishonest to them?? By the time they figure it out, they have no clue what those words mean anyway.
    Resentful kids? Imagine for a moment how resentful they would be if they were the only ones that knew the tooth fairy, the Easter rabbit, Santa, Goofy and all those marvellous characters are, for real, not real??
    Please ditch her real real fast and let the kids be kids already !!!!!! In this crazy world we live in, it is already so hard to really be a kid… Let there be magic for as long as possible !

  122. OMG have read every single comment in this thread and the overwhelming result is:-
    Our kids need some magic in their lives… They need to believe that there is something out there that makes things seem better… If that comes in the form of fantasy, then so be it… I have 3 boys, all in their 20’s now.. When they were between 9-12 they individually asked me if Santa was real… My answer was “I believe in Santa, it is up to you whether you wish to…” I did not lie to them. May have also mentioned that those who do not believe in Santa get socks & jocks for christmas… They chose to not spoil for others… I now have 2 granddaughters (3yo & 3 wo) for this christmas for the first time. My boys are selling the ruse to, well at least, 3 year old… Merry Christmas to all xxx

  123. We received this response on email:

    “Regarding the mom asking about Santa, if your kids are 7 and 9, they probably already know and are amusing themselves as they watch you play out the Santa game. 
    My parents played this game with me, Santa boots in the ashes, cookies n milk and I am not damaged. 60+ years later. It was fun and I learned early on what pretend is and truth. Jesus Christ is the savior born a babe in a manger, celebrated at this season and I follow Him. You love your kids and can just tell them what’s pretend and truth.
    All the best. MiMi”

  124. When my now 19 year old Special needs son turned 17 we decided to stop Santa coming to visit ( his younger brothers were in there early teens). We sat him down and explained that there is only a certain amount of names on Santa’s list, and when u turn 17 its time for your name to come off the list and a new baby’s name to go on. He felt a little sad but so proud to help a new baby. He knows Santa checks in on him but doesn’t leave anything. This way we felt he keeps his magic of Christmas, but when he is out in supported living he won’t wake up on Xmas day disappointed that Santa didn’t come.

  125. Believing in Santa is the ultimate all age game ever. Everyone, no matter their age can play along in public and private. It bonds us all and helps adults to remember the innocence of childhood.
    I know of not one person who has suffered psychologically when finding out about Father Christmas but I know a lot of adults who refuse to take the joy and wonder of Santa from their children.

  126. I don’t remember how old I was when I found out but I would have been around 10/11 I guess I am not mad or agree or anything that that mom told you your kids would be they understand
    Just don’t make a big thing of it
    It will be ok.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here